March 10, 2012

what is love? pt. 1

I've been thinking about you lately, and what it means to Love. Not just the physical act, or the brain's chemical response, but the Power of Love and how it can transcend sheer "emotionality" in the human sense. These thoughts stem from a conversation I had in early January, wherein my friend proposed that "perhaps" we only get one chance at Love.

I tend to use the word Love liberally, bandying it about quite often, but only in my writings. Saying it is a completely different matter, and I haven't done so in a long time. "One chance at Love" is a line that stuck with me, resonating with something deep within my chest but also confusing my mind and sparking questions I hadn't previously considered (or if I had considered them, this challenged their validity that much more). I have always felt that the potential for Love, and to Love, was infinite - a bottomless well of power and energy that springs from the universe itself.

I think Love is a universal constant, the same as gravity. Does the Moon not love the Earth? Does the Earth not love the Sun? All these stellar bodies revolving around one another, sharing Love despite time and distance and space. But how does Love affect us humans, and do we have the capacity for Infinite Love? This is the crux of what was bothering me about my friend's assertion; that as humans, we get only one chance. We explored the subject further and about some aspects, I found myself agreeing.

Love - it is a powerful feeling that greatly impacts the parties involved. When Love strikes, when it embraces the heart and spirit, that individual is forever altered. Can New Love be found after (previous) Love has waned? The answer is undeniably yes, but there's a caveat. Can New Love affect the person with the same intensity and depth as the first great Love? Is there some form of mental and emotional scarring that occurs when Love is first introduced - like the pain of childbirth - that remains in place after Love is gone? The premise of the idea is that Love will leave a lasting and permanent impression on a person's spirit, by having expanded their heart and blowing their mind. Yes, a New Love can also achieve the same level of impact and intensity, but because of the previous Love, the emotional "high" isn't as great. The sine wave of Love, the highs and lows, don't hit and hold with the same strength because as a human, we have already experienced these things and "we're used to it". How can one be "used to Love"?!? The answer may be already out there, as many a mother will say that giving birth to their second child (though equally Loved), was not at difficult or painful, despite the same physical transformation and release.

My friend expounded upon his idea that there is only one time in a person's life where Love has such an impact, and all other Loves after this event are pale by comparison. I've spent the last two months or so thinking about this, over and over. Was there a grain of truth in my friend's statement, or was he completely correct? The optimistic side of me continually hopes that I will find someone who will change all my preconceptions about Love, but the pragmatic side of me believes that I have already experienced Love in its fullness, in all its glory and despair. Yes, I do believe that Love is different in every case, as each relationship between two people is completely unique and its own entity. People are distinctly unique. However, the ability to Love comes from a complete and whole heart, a sound mind and willing spirit, and these are all born from the same person (myself for example). I can't make any form of judgement and say one Love is better or worse than another Love, as both are technically Love which is beauty in all its forms. Can I supersede my previous limitations to Love, and become more than I already am, thereby giving myself the ability to give and receive Love that much more? Does Love grow in the emptiness of space, or is it a conversion of some other force, a transference of one emotion into another? The natural balance and order of things would be preserved here, as light grows darkness wanes, and vice versa.

I also believe that as humans we have an infinite capacity to learn and grow; that none of us are destined to be closed and shut off. Can one not grow to Love more? I keep thinking about limits, numbers, maximums and minimums, and all the other ways a person can describe potential and analyze it. Lovemetrics if you will. There is, obviously, no answer but that which our individual experiences will help us realize. I pray for better tomorrows, meaningful connections, and increased self-awareness, and I hope that all of these things will combine to help me realize my dream of a Great Love with which to live my life fully and completely. I was scared to be open for many, many years, but thanks to some of friends, I'm learning to be myself that much more, just as I'm growing to become that much more. I never want to stop learning, and thankfully, I continue to learn about myself - always and all ways.

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