April 29, 2012

Growing up, step by step, breathing deeply

I'm growing again - finally. I feel very connected right now; connected to my mind as it expands both inwards and out, spirituality finding harmony and peace within myself, and as I learn more about my new role and new goals, I see the architecture of my mind going through another reset, as it had in '05/'06 and again in '10. I am sensing my potential and visualizing my existence as more than myself again, beyond the body and the physical, beyond toys and games - and beyond life itself. I am inspired to become inspirational again.

I feel alive; the blaring roar of my engine as I row through the gearbox, feeling the front tires fold and tuck, in and out, in and out, while the rear scratches and claws for traction, always pushing me around and twisting my bodies, steering wheel twitching, hunting and darting, bouncing and pulsing, seeking that perfect inertial drift . . . wheels cocked sideways, counter-steering and on the pipe, perfect flow, perfectly flowing, smooth and raw and brutal - all pieces working together to separate, translate, re-direct and transfer energy from fuel and air. Barbaric, clattering, an Exercise of Power. Loud Noisy, Everything Howling, my Existence is Now - and more is coming. I have the tools and the desire to forge ahead, to see beyond my past and experience connection. I'm ready.

This feeling comes and goes, the briefest of touches, a caress and the flip of hair into my hand on a warm, windy sun-filled day. I can feel the spray of the waves licking at my face, no longer stinging my eyes, welcoming me home. I am so proud and grateful to be learning again; I am feeling more fulfilled, more productive, and more connected. It is bliss. I missed you. I am sorry I forgot what this feeling was truly like, but I will honor you. I have taken the last 4% of my life to find some measure of peace again. Everything is coming together as it should. I am seeing myself in the equation and how everything affects me, and how I, in turn, affect everything. The missing pieces are drawing closer, tidal waves and the gravitational pull of my life force, the heartbeat of the universe is within my grasp. Circles. Always Circles. My earthquake is building. I have held the sun in my hands before, but it was not something I could hold on to. To know this feeling is to want it, to chase my dreams and aspire that warmth again. I'm out there. I will be one with myself, for I am everything I was meant to be. Let life become ever deeper and more meaningful.

I encourage you to watch this video on full screen.
Ulrich Schnauss: Monday Paracetamol