June 21, 2006

Down, but not out!

I don't have time for a long post so just the facts this time around.

I'm in Holland, and thanks to a small loan from Hiro Aoyama, I was able to make it. I had to pay for the flight change in person at the airport and without his help, I never would have made it. I didn't even have money for the bus to get there. Ironically, the flight was full of GP people, like the Aoyama brothers, some team personnel, and Checa was sitting in front of me.

My online accounts have been frozen, so I can't tell how bad the situation is, financially. I know that some of my credit cards were used, and worse, my debit card (which goes to my checking account), but that's about it. I had a ton of difficulty trying to explain what happened to the club people, as Barcelona is notorious for these types of things happenning. No Sympathy, and it made it hit home harder. I'm so upset with myself for letting this happen, and I'm just gutted. It took me a full day to clear my head and refocus on what I need to do to get back up on my feet. First of all, I came here to work in MotoGP. I have two race weeks before a couple days break, so work is what I'm going to do. Now that I have spoken in person to the team directors they understand what happened and know that it's just a shitty deal all around. I just hope some of my co-mechanics can understand that I wasn't bailing on them - but regardless, I'm here to work hard and make positive things happen. I know that they will see the value of my work ethic and commitment, and hopefully this makes the difference. Before I arrived in Holland and spoke with everyone, I was certain that missing the flight and "screwing up" was going to cost me this job. As it is, I still feel like it's tenous, but there's nothing I can do except do my best. Rather than sink into a depression about this, I am going to work through it and get things rolling. My cards have been cancelled, and in a couple weeks they'll be reissued and that will handle that. It will take longer to get another driver's license, but hey, I'm not driving much out here anyway, and I still have my international DL with me. My permanent MotoGP pass? I can get that replaced. My rent money? That, too, can be replaced, it's just the timing of the month that sucks, and my spanish banks inability to take transfers from US banks. La Caixa - Fie on you!

I want to give a big thanks and I wish I could show my appreciation more to the people who have paypal'd me to help me get through this. I can't get the money from paypal to my BOA bank account (it's frozen) and I also don't have a bank card to even access my account (if it were open). I know that it will help a lot towards recovering the rent money that I lost, so to everyone, thank you. I need to get to sleep, as I've been deprived lately, and sleep is what I need to fix my heart and get back on the horse. Those of you who had had something similar happen will know what I'm feeling and going through - it's more complicated being in a foreign land, and travelling so much of the time. Thinking back on the night, I remember being on a crowded dancefloor, and feeling bumped from behind. I thought it was just another drunk guy, but the lesson is, don't let anyone near you. Most of all, I am coming to the conclusion (thanks to an email I received), that I cannot let this get me down.

"Don't be idle.


Challenge yourself and your growth. Everyday.

Dream big.

Plan ahead.


Stop yourself from thinking in sentences that begin with "I can't", stop rationalizing yourself out of things. You can! And you will do whatever you are brave enough to take on. You might fail, but it's always worth a shot.

Be grateful that you are loved, cared for, healthy, privileged, and doing what you have dreamt of for years.

Attempt to be humble.

And love. Purely, fearlessly."

I've come too far, done too much, to let something like this beat me. I never give up. I refuse. I will take more time to plan ahead, in case of another disaster.

I'm on borrowed internet time, so I'm signing off in a minute, but once again, thank you to everyone who has made a difference and helped me, and thank you for the happy thoughts. They have gone a great way towards helping me see things better. I'm sorry I don't have time to respond to everyone individually, but my time is short and I can't spare it at the moment.

Thank you.


cheer up mate. Surely you should get some laughs about the fact that you are being a bum (in bumming money) yet working like a trooper.... Or something.

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